GTFO!

Are You Spending Too Much Time Outside? 4 Telltale Signs

8034093476_5122ba81d7_cNow I’m a lover of all outdoor pursuits as much as the next person.  Probably much more, in fact.  But just because someone enjoys spending time in nature does not mean that we have to completely shun our human society, and revel in a little luxury from time to time.But some people seem to think the opposite, and that having a social life and hygiene is the opposite of being “outdoorsy”.  Which, hey, to each their own… but like most other things that are fun and enjoyable in life, a bit of balance must be in order for maximum fulfillment.

That is why I went to the trouble of devising this list for all of you delightful readers.  You obviously enjoy spending time in the outdoors if you are on this site.  Or maybe you despise the outdoors so much that you want to research what makes those cretins tick, finding their weaknesses so that one day you can vanquish them.  Either way, I’m pretty sure both categories of readers will find value with this list.Anyway, on to the signs: 1

Boots
The boots are the telltale sign that perhaps you should take a day or two inside, with some soap and warm water.  Smell is an obvious factor.  An even more obvious factor is fear of that smell.  If you can pre-ordain an uncomfortable situation just by intuition, you probably could spend some time inside.  A good reference is the Frank Zappa song “Stinkfoot” where he gives several vivid examples of the condition.

Lingo
Remember that movie Nell With Jodie Foster and she’s basically lived by herself in the woods for something like 20 years?  She had basically her own language that was part gibberish, part hillbilly, and a few somewhat distinguishable English words.  Well, that can happen to you.  The given example may be a bit of an exaggeration, but the fact of the matter is that when you are not interacting with people, your speech is one of the first things to go.  So if you get people looking at you with a confused face when you do venture into town, then it might be a good time to join Toastmasters.

2

Vehicle
Now there are several stereotypes that differ greatly about an “outdoorsy”person.  For example, a person driving a Ford F250 long box is a bit of a different stereotype than someone in a 2009 Subaru Forrester, although both could be classified as lovers of the outdoors.  But that is where their similarities lie.  Yet despite the granola vs. game hunter labels, both camps can be a little too much outdoorsy.  One sign is the floor mats.  If they do not look like a carpet or felt-type material, but rather have a layer of decaying leaves and dirt, it’s a sure sign that the driver should maybe take a trip to the spa.  Another sign is the contents – month-old laundry and dishes, unrecognizable food, and empty ammo boxes are a sure sign that the vehicle owner should maybe take a shower and enjoy an outing at the cinema for a change.

Food
You can tell a lot about a person by what they eat and cook.  A big kitchen does not make for a good cook, in fact it’s quite the opposite.  It takes time and experience to create a gourmet meal out of just what you have laying around.  Now of course this might just mean the person is a talented cook and not spending time outside.  The telltale sign is if the plate looks like it’s been digested and vomited about 3 times in a row, but tastes like heaven.  That’s a sure sign that the cook has earned his/her stripes, but should probably visit a restaurant where a little something called presentation comes into play.  Out in the bush, no such need exists, and one can find some less-than-appetizing ways to prepare a meal.

So that’s just a brief rundown.  Hopefully it will help you find friends who could use a night out on the town.  After a shower and haircut of course.  If that person is you, then you are halfway there being somewhere with internet access.  Go out to a nice restaurant, enjoy some creature comforts (not those creatures), and please, please put some deodorant on!

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