There’s no doubt that men and women think and behave just a liiiiiiittle bit differently in the outdoors. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to uber stereotype either gender (ok, maybe just a little bit) but a variety of things run through a man’s noggin when he experiences an “epic”, makes it to the top of a mountain, or packs for a backcountry adventure. Conversely, women have their own brand of internal monologue whilst outdoorsing. As such, and for your enjoyment, here’s a brief look at what may be going through the opposite sex’s mind during these given outdoor scenarios.
Scenario: You’re out for a day of trad climbing. You placed very little pro on a route and a piece precariously fails when you take a massive fall.
What He’s Thinking: Holy shit, that was so epic! I placed two pieces of protection on that route and one piece failed. Sweet! I am Adam Ondra! I am Chris Sharma! I am Indiana Jones meets, like, a Spartan God or something. I’m totally getting laid tonight.
What She’s Thinking: Holy shit, that was ridiculous! Why the hell did he only place two pieces of pro? I’d be placin’ every foot…not to mention, I really like the pretty colored nuts. Even though he’s stupid, he’s totally getting laid tonight.
Note: “Pretty colored nuts” refers to trad gear (get your mind outta the gutter).
Scenario: You’ve just hiked a 14,000+ mountain, you got rained on, you’re freezing, and the wind chill is somewhere between -29 and death.
What He’s Thinking: It is cold as balls up here! I want a hot sandwich and a beer!
What She’s Thinking: “OMG, we’re on the top of a pretty mountain! YAY! It’s totally picture time! I hope he realizes that we’re gonna take about 10 couple pictures and then he’s gonna have to take several of me looking all hot and standing triumphantly on the summit. GIRL POWER!”
Scenario: You’re just finishing a day in the backcountry skiing when, suddenly, you hear the rumblings of what could possibly be an avalanche.
What He’s Thinking: “Let’s ride this Mother! Bring it on!!!!!!!!!!! Wait! Where the hell’s my avalanche beacon!?”
What She’s Thinking: “ I totes have my avalanche beacon. Not to mention, my hot pink snow gear will be easy to spot if I get buried. GIRL POWER!”
Scenario: You’re gearing up for an epic (let’s see how many times we can use that word), month-long, camping trip in the backcountry.
What He’s Thinking: “ Ok, I wanna take as little gear as possible. I wanna be like Jeremiah Johnson…live off the land. I am Man! I will make fire with my bare hands and sleep on razor sharp rocks. (Chest Thump). Whoa, wait a minute…I’m not going anywhere without my hand warmers.”
What She’s Thinking: “Ok, so he wants to go light. Pistol. Check. 20 Cliff Bars. Check. Sexy lingerie for emergency purposes. Check. Cute, fashion functional hiking clothes. Check. Whoa, wait a minute…I’m not goin’ anywhere without my camera!”
Note: Whatever the difference between the way men and women think in the outdoors, it is always the case that outdoor adventures are more fun when we work together and respect what each person brings to the table. So whether he’s bringin’ a whole lotta He-Man awesomeness or she’s bringing some raw Girl Power, learn to find humor and usefulness in the way the opposite sex engages the great outdoors.