Leave No Trace Jerk!

lntHey, you there…sittin’ on my mountains, peelin’ away at your hardboiled egg and throwin’ the shells on the ground. Or wannabe Gandalf who decides to machete himself a gigantic wooden staff while he’s on a hike even though there are signs expressly forbidding foraging for wood. Better yet, Miss Thang rockin’ her aerosol suntan lotion chockerbock full of CFCs and leavin’ her Fiji waterbottles at the base of my climbin’ routes. You’re all jerks and you need a good, stern, lesson in Leave No Trace. And Imma give it to ya in the form of three very simple suggestions:

If You Slam Your Pilfered Gandalf Stick into the Ground and Say “You Shall Not Pass” One More Time…
I’m gonna beat you upside the head with it!

It’s common to see people taking rocks, acorns, leaves, Wizard sticks, and dirt ( yes, dirt) home from the wilderness as souvenirs or craft materials. When too many people do this, it degrades the natural habitat and compromises the delicate ecosystems which are comprised of plant and animal life. We understand that rocks are shiny and leaves are pretty but, please, leaf them on the ground where they belong ( Yeah, I made a pun and it was awesome).

mizThe Great Outdoors IS NOT a Giant Compost Bin
Some people think that it’s ok to throw banana peels, apple cores, egg shells, or other bits of food on the ground while they’re in the outdoors simply because these items are compostable. But, regardless of their ability to biodegrade, the simple fact remains that those items weren’t originally a part of the ecosystem and, therefore, have no place there. Carry a trash bag with you (preferably of the reusable variety) and pack your compostable material out.

You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Til It’s Gone:
If nothing else in the post sunk in, then maybe a lame Counting Crows reference will: You’re literally helping to pave paradise and put up a dirty, eggshelled, aerosoled, Fiji-fied, parkinglot where they sell hocked Gandalf sticks. In place of America’s majestic mountains, lakes, rivers, and forests, we’re gonna have assholes like you wonderin’ around with your pet rocks askin’ where it all went. On a dead serious note, once our natural habitats are gone…They. Are. Gone. At least, for a very long time. Please, cherish them. Protect them. And, if you must insist on having your wizard stick, buy one off Amazon. We’re happy to have you in the outdoors as long as you leave them as you found them ( Or, better yet, leave them better than you found them by picking up any discarded trash, volunteering to restore trails, or clear out invasive plant species…Look it up, nerd). Seriously, it’s what Gandalf would do.

Go to the Leave No Trace website for more information and ways to help keep our lands clean.